Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Psalm 23

So this week has been the hardest ever. First of all I school has started on top of work. I love school, but this semester is a little different because I am trying to finish half way through the semester in all my class. In essence, I am trying to learn everything twice as fast as the average student. On top of that my school schedule is screwing up my work schedule. The past two weeks I've been going up to my boss change something else in my schedule. I feel like its not totally my fault for all the schedule changes since I did give them my schedule before school started, but there were a couple class meetings that could not be scheduled until after school started which I had no control over. Adding to this, my body is continuing to change and it is a very big thing to adjust to. I can't sleep through the night like I used to and I can't move and do things like I used to and I get tired more easily. I am also getting a bit more clumsy and forgetful which does not help with anything.
All of this seemed not so bad until I got my permanent schedule from work. I was looking forward to working a couple days and focusing on school other days, but that was not the case. I was caught off guard when I saw I was working everyday except for one. Some days were just a couple hours, but I was on closing shift every night. Closing according to where I work is not a specific time. We could close our doors at 6pm, but if someone comes in at 5:59 we have to take them in which can mean I could be there for another hour and half to two hours. Having to close at work on top of having a full day of classes is not the ideal schedule for me and it took me over the edge. I thought seriously about quitting my job when I got that schedule. It felt kind of unfair, but at the same time I know they need extra hands at work because we already are short handed. I had felt tired coming home and just imagining that feeling every night coupled with my other tasks and frustration made me feel like everything was getting too much. My wonderful husband was there to put his arms around me and tell me that everything will be okay which helped a bit.
That night I woke up, after a few hours of sleep, wide awake thinking of quitting my job and what I do instead. I knew the best thing to do is go to God. So I clicked open the bible app on my phone and looked up a devotional. I feel like God showed me exactly what I needed. It said that sometime we ask God to make a way out of something when we just need to ask him to go through it with us. It definitely something that anybody would love to hear that are in a situation like mine, but I knew that's what I needed and tried to put it into practice and pray for God to lead me through this.
I talked to my mom with tears the next day with tears explaining my situation. She opened my eyes to see that it wasn't going to be forever. When the baby comes I won't have work or school to worry about. It'll all be about baby in a less than two months. My mom also gave me some stories about her experience too and reminded me that its not always easy, but I have to focus on the positive to get through day by day. First of all, I am thankful that God spoke to me that night letting me know that I am not alone in this. He is walking me through. Next, I am thankful to my mom for listening to my frustrations and encouraging me to keep going. I also am thankful for my wonderful husband who is always there to put his arm around me when I am feeling frustrated and also always helping with everything that I need. Without my husband, I don't know what I would do. He is always reminding me of the things I have forgotten (which are a lot). I am so glad God brought us together.